There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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