So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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