You smell like stripper and shame
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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