Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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