She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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