sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
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Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??