Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.