porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.