8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
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There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.