Where did you get a picture of my penis
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.