so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
