you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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