mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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