Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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