I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
