Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
