Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
