I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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