I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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