just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
