Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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