yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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