So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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