did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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