He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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