just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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