a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im holly from the hills drunk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
