So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
