The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
