are you still at the devil's house?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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