what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
