Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if only i could text you this smell
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
