You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize