Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
