Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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