I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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