i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
