his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
