oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
