I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
