my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
