he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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