your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
