Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
