Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
