Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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