we're blogging at a bar
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the room spins SO much faster in panama
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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