I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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