mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
