i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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