you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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