wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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