I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
