Fine. I'll sleep in my office
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
