Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
