Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
