Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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