You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
