Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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