Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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