You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
