The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
