My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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