I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
