a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
