I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
