omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My feet surprised me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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