Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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